Ain't it fun, livin' in the real world?

After a week of graduation and living the life of a St. Norbert College Alumni (excuse me what did you call me?)  I have been asked about 16,392 times if I have a job. 99.9% of those times I've been at my lovely part-time job. So in my head I'm saying "yes and that's why I'm still working here, I love making no money" but really I say "no, but I'm looking". I get that people are just curious, but really, stop asking, I'll tell you once I'm on the fast track to being a millionaire.

In the mean time I've given up being jealous, mad, and stressed about not having a job, mostly because I've learned that you cannot stress about the future because it cannot be controlled. I've gained some great advice over the past week too, that is "you have the rest of your life to work". So I ask myself... why am I rushing it? Yes, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to put my very expensive education to work and prove myself out there in the adult world but this is more than likely the last time I get to live at my parents' house with my cats and have time to actually enjoy hanging laundry on the line. I've heard time and time again how many people hate working and just want to retire already, so why can't I just enjoy these last three months of being a "college" student (which I will consider myself until the fall when classes begin again).

On the daily I look for and apply for jobs and just as quickly I receive that nasty "thanks, but no thanks" e-mail. I keep my hopes strong knowing that that position just wasn't for me and something greater is out there. Like I've had to repeat too many times... I'm not looking for just A job, I'm looking for a business job one specifically in international business so stop telling me to apply at McDonald's.

On the flip side, working part-time for now is awesome. It leaves so much time for activities and kitty cuddles. Staying up late and waking up without an alarm (besides Sugar kitty) are usually the perks of the day followed by breakfast in my pj's and spare time to watch The View. By no means am I trying to make all you real world working adults jealous because truly, being a stay at home mom with no kids gets lonely. I sit at home with no real human contact and wait hours for friends to go on lunch breaks and reply to my snap-chats.

So for the time being I'm living my last few moments doing whatever I please whenever I please. This type of life may seem appealing to most but no money means no real activities and leaves me searching for more. I feel like I have no real goal in life or passion to follow. The largest goal in my life has been completed and I had made no further plans to start another. I've tried to find a hobby but that search has came up dry. At the end of each day the only thing that is steady is my need for adventure. Road-trips, spontaneous plane tickets, and a life abroad, how perfect could it be? If only my head and my heart could line up, but for now we sit, wait, and search for the future that is impossibly perfect and unknown.

           

It's coming, my imminent death...

Ok, so maybe I'm not really dying but it sure feels like it, or some form of it. Graduation is coming, fast... too fast. It's less than a month away now and my life feels like a huge puddle of confusing. Everyone is asking the same questions... "so what are you doing after graduation" and "how is the wedding coming". So then I put on my smiley face and tell them that I've been looking for jobs and the wedding is on the back burner right now.

But what I really want to do is give em' a big ol' punch in the stomach, because that's how I feel when they ask those questions. The second option would be to burst into tears and run away, but neither of these options is socially acceptable.

I know every senior on every campus is feeling something like this and I shouldn't be scared but I am and I can't help it. For the first time in 16 years of schooling I will no longer be going to school and I will have to be a "real" adult, not the adult that you are when you turn 18 and nothing really changes.

I try to remind myself that it's just a new chapter and not the end of the book and things are going to be GREAT!... but all in all it's a rough life out there and college has been great.

After reading a gazillion posts about leaving college and identifying with EVERY SINGLE ONE I've realized that I have something many people don't have, Ben. He's my best friend through thick and thin, happy and sad. He knows how I'm feeling without even saying anything. I guess this is why we're getting married...eh? I'm not saying that I don't have any other friends, because I do, that's why leaving has become so hard. I have come to the realization that time, distance, and lives might come between me and some of those people no matter how hard we try to stay close, people get busy.

So what I guess I'm trying to get at is I don't have everything figured out and we don't all have the right answers but I'm keeping my head up. I've come to the realization that the future can't be controlled and there is no use loosing sleep over it. Also to just jump in feet first and let things figure themselves out as we go along. I guess this is the great thing about college, you not only learn about academics, make amazing friends, and have the best time of your life but you also learn how to move on.