It's coming, my imminent death...

Ok, so maybe I'm not really dying but it sure feels like it, or some form of it. Graduation is coming, fast... too fast. It's less than a month away now and my life feels like a huge puddle of confusing. Everyone is asking the same questions... "so what are you doing after graduation" and "how is the wedding coming". So then I put on my smiley face and tell them that I've been looking for jobs and the wedding is on the back burner right now.

But what I really want to do is give em' a big ol' punch in the stomach, because that's how I feel when they ask those questions. The second option would be to burst into tears and run away, but neither of these options is socially acceptable.

I know every senior on every campus is feeling something like this and I shouldn't be scared but I am and I can't help it. For the first time in 16 years of schooling I will no longer be going to school and I will have to be a "real" adult, not the adult that you are when you turn 18 and nothing really changes.

I try to remind myself that it's just a new chapter and not the end of the book and things are going to be GREAT!... but all in all it's a rough life out there and college has been great.

After reading a gazillion posts about leaving college and identifying with EVERY SINGLE ONE I've realized that I have something many people don't have, Ben. He's my best friend through thick and thin, happy and sad. He knows how I'm feeling without even saying anything. I guess this is why we're getting married...eh? I'm not saying that I don't have any other friends, because I do, that's why leaving has become so hard. I have come to the realization that time, distance, and lives might come between me and some of those people no matter how hard we try to stay close, people get busy.

So what I guess I'm trying to get at is I don't have everything figured out and we don't all have the right answers but I'm keeping my head up. I've come to the realization that the future can't be controlled and there is no use loosing sleep over it. Also to just jump in feet first and let things figure themselves out as we go along. I guess this is the great thing about college, you not only learn about academics, make amazing friends, and have the best time of your life but you also learn how to move on.